Day 2

I just want to sleep. I want to sleep and wake up and everything be normal.  I sat in class today, where I was supposed to be learning about how to care for my son, but instead just wanted to cry. I looked at the two other families going through the class with us and wanted to cry for them. Their sweet girls, they didn’t deserve this either.

 

Blaine, on the other hand amazes me. I ask him each time if it hurts. He looks at me, hesitates a second then tells me that it doesn't. I know it hurts. But he tries to make me feel better by saying that it doesn't because he sees how sad it makes me. I hate this for him. I am beyond grateful that we live close enough to a children's hospital that can care for him without us having to travel. I'm grateful that we have supportive friends and family. I am grateful that even though we don't know what changes to expect, we have the resources needed to cope with this life change. I am grateful that I have Brent. I have a partner in this that takes over for me when I'm too tired to focus. While day 1 I felt like I was coping great, day 2 I started to fall apart. Brent took over and made the decisions, asked questions, and took notes while I sat in class with a blank stare, and tried to hold back tears each time I looked at Blaine, the other two girls or their mothers.