The kids had bought some at Target the other day. I
complained to them that we already had some, they were just lost somewhere in
the basement. But, it was their own money and they wanted another set. Now, I’m
so glad we have them.
This Friday the kids and I went bowling with some friends,
plus our cousin Hugh, who was in town for the week. As we were finishing our
last few frames Brent called. He had already gone to the gym at his office and
was on his way home. He asked about the evening plans.
I suggested we take the boat out for dinner, so that’s just
what we did. We had our neighbor Ben for the evening as well as Hugh, his
sister, Emily, and Aislin. I ordered pizzas and Brent grabbed some cookies for
dessert, bottled water and ice. I have the carb count for Pizza Hut memorized,
and we counted carbs on the cookies. Yes, I hated it again, like I do every
time, that unlike the other boys Blaine couldn’t just grab a handful of
cookies. He had to know how many he was going to eat. I let him set the pace,
how many he was going to eat, was how many I gave the other kids. Besides,
nobody needs to sit there and eat double and triple the serving size (like I often
do).
We tubed and swam. We watched the sun go down. We felt
grateful. It was a perfect night. On the
way back, after the swimming and tubing, the kids were hungry again and wanted
some more cookies. It was dark, we didn’t check Blaine’s BG, but I also didn’t
want to tell him no to cookies. I’m not
going to let diabetes steal his childhood. Having cookies with friends
after a day of boating seems like part of his childhood, I didn’t want to deny
him that. So, he had two cookies, 25 carbs, not quite a unit of insulin for
him. We didn’t correct.
Once home we checked his BG, we knew the numbers would be
off since he had recently eaten, but wanted to make sure he was above 100
before bed. At 10 pm he was 200. We didn’t correct, just gave his nightly
Lantus.
They boys wanted to sleep in the basement. That makes it much harder for me get up and
check on him in the middle of the night like I sometime do, but again, I’m not going to let diabetes steal his
childhood. Having a sleep over in the basement with his cousin and best
friend is part of his childhood. I gave
him his walkie talkie and kept one with me. At 12:15 am I radioed down. The
boys were still awake. I told them lights out immediately and that I’d be down
in 5 minutes to check. Of course, I fell asleep and didn’t check. I woke from a
nightmare which I can no longer recall. I went down to check on Blaine. I saw
that he was still breathing, and all boys were sleeping probably around 2 am.
I got back in my bed. I was just drifting back to sleep. My
walkie talkie beeps. “Mom, I feel low.” That singular phrase can send a rush of
adrenaline through me at any time. I immediately sprang from bed, geo Blaine’s
kit from downstairs, and then rushed to the basement with it. We checked. He was
81. Not low, but maybe he felt himself dropping, which he sometimes says makes
him feel low. He had a juice and went back to sleep.
Every night since, we have both slept with a walkie talkie
on our night stand. It has eased both of our anxiety. On his way to bed last night, Blaine asked if
Brent or I would bring his diabetes bag up. He said he sleeps better knowing it
is nearby.
At the T1 brunch last week I asked the other moms about lows
throughout the night and how they handle them. One mom told me she brought her
four year old back into the bed with them, and they now co-sleep. The other mothers
told me they don’t sleep. Out of the four moms with school aged kids there, I
was the only one sending mine off to school. The other three moms had decided
to homeschool.
I can’t do that. I know Blaine would love to be
homeschooled. But, it’s not for me. I need my career and I need him to be
independent of me, or at least not with me all the time. I didn’t ask about their
schooling philosophies and didn’t ask if they had homeschooled prior to
diagnoses. Although one mother offered that they had schooled at home prior.
All these things are reminders that this is a life changer.
Our old life died on 3/3/13 and the new one started on
3/4/13. My old dreams for him didn’t die. I want him to leave me one day and go
off to school. I want him to experience living somewhere new and finding his
own way. I want him to be independent of me. We will just have to make conscious
choices every day to make that happen. Little things for now, like walkie
talkies on the night stand seem to be a step in the right direction.
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